this morning, a passage from lamentations 3 came to mind. context: the writer spends about 10 verses talking about how awful life has been, the terrible situations that God has put him in, how his bones have been broken and his teeth have been crushed and his prayers have been unheard. he is basically all but dead. verses 17-24:
"my soul is bereft of peace;
i have forgotten what happiness is;
so i say, "my endurance has perished; so has my hope from the LORD."
remember my affliction and my wanderings,
the wormwood and the gall!
my soul continually remembers it and is bowed down within me.
but this i call to mind, and therefore i have hope:
the steadfast love of the LORD never ceases;
His mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
"the LORD is my portion," says my soul, "therefore i will hope in Him."
so i'm going to hope in new mercies rising with each morning. i'm going to believe that God is good over and above my feelings of injustice and desertion.
i've tried blogging before--i guess it was more like an online journal. and when i was doing it consistently, it was mainly emotional vommit. it was honest but not beneficial. so for this page, i'm trying to have new fingers. i'm trying to maintain honesty without constantly unearthing and wallowing in pits of despair. i'm trying to write the truth i so desperately need to hear.
even as i write this (at work), i have my doubts. i've been interupted by about 7 calls from generally obnoxious people, and my optimism is wavering, slowly yeilding to annoyance ever bubbling up from the wells of my spirit. i don't know how to fight it. but i need to start trying.
hello, fear of failure. welcome back. i understand that in order to live the dynamic life i so desperately desire, i need to face you. i need to expose my heart to breaking. i need to care and to try and to fail and to learn and to grow. so here's to new fingers, new mercies, new mornings, new failures, new adventures, new life.
