stewardship

i've recently had a little epiphany about stewardship. i've been subconsciously thinking that stewardship is making as much money as possible and using that money well. as part of that, i've felt like it's bad stewardship to be poor when you don't have to be. but the other day, i realized that money is not the utmost aspect of stewardship. being a good steward involves every aspect of a person's potential and resources. pursuing my God-given identity, being authentic to who He created me to be, and using the gifts He's given me to the utmost, are more important than making sure jason and i have everything that we need and that we will never want for anything.

now i bet you're thinking "wow...some epiphany. looks more like a no-brainer than an epiphany." and you're right. if you had asked me at any given point of my life if i believed that living to your potential and using your gifts are more important and more relevant to good stewardship than making lots of money, i would have said, "of course." but it's one thing to give mental ascent to those kinds of truths. it's another thing entirely to actually live as if those truths were true.

if i lived an authentic life, if i lived with the strong conviction that God made me for a purpose and with a commitment to pursue that purpose, wouldn't life look drastically different? wouldn't that be the life of passion and adventure that i so desperately crave?

reality (read "cynicism") check here: yes, robin. if by "adventure" you mean struggling to make ends meet, that's exactly what throwing caution to the wind and running hard after "fulfillment" would look like. and you can't just go gallivanting around, chasing whatever moves you in the moment. you have responsibilities now. you can no longer just worry about your own interests. you're mom can't make dinner for you every night. you have rent and bills to pay. you don't have everything handed to you anymore. you need to work for it. you need to not be so selfish.

and in response to that, i'm reminded of the book i read and quoted a few months back (let your life speak by parker j. palmer). unfortunately, i don't have it with me right now. but at one point, palmer talks about how living according to one's authentic identity is not a selfish act. trying to live someone else's life has great potential for doing more harm than good. the choice of what kind of life you are going to live should be determined by where your gifts and passions meet the world's needs. reversing that equation is a perfect recipe for burnout and dissatisfaction and bitterness. but when we look at the needs of our world, our communities, our families in light of who we are and what we are most crafted to give, meeting those needs would be such joy and fulfillment and not the burden and drudgery of living every day from empty stores. palmer really is so much more eloquent than i am. maybe in my words, it seems like self-justification. but in his words, it seems like the only reasonable way to live.

and so, the ever-nagging question: what does this look like? how can i practically pursue authenticity and purpose today? i'm thinking it probably will have something to do with a little flexibility on my part. because i don't think living an authentic life has to be reckless. as much as i would love to quit my job and go back to school this fall, my bills won't pay themselves. so maybe it's online classes. maybe it's reading some non-fiction relevant to what i want to do in place of the escapist young adult fantasy i love so much. maybe it's risking a conversation with my co-workers so i can bring in something interesting or creative to work on in my copious down-time. maybe it is finding somewhere else that will allow me to use my gifts and still pay my rent. i don't know. but this little revelation requires something of me, something hard, but something that has the potential to expose me to the spark of inspiration i've been missing.

i'm open to suggestions. any ideas??

10 things for which i am grateful (in no particular order)

having morning-long projects that keep me busy at work.
being allowed to go home when i'm finished with my work.
the weepies (a band revealed to me by matt wistrand, and i am eternally grateful).
the fan that deafens the rest of the office so i can listen to my music at a hearable volume.
being helpful, especially for people that i like.
my family cause they're all really cool in their own different, special ways.
my husband because he is so easy to love.
facebook which helps me psuedo keep in touch with people.
first congregational church of essex.
the second bedroom/craft space/study jason and i will have in 13 days.