preparation

i've been going to adult sunday school at church, led by parker (and rachel) page. it's always a rousing time of very...interesting questions raised by the peanut gallery. yesterday morning, we were talking about The Prophet prophesied by moses. as we were discussing characters throughout the bible who filled the roles of prophet, priest, and/or king, someone asked, "why didn't God just send Jesus right away? why make all of these other these other prophets come first?"

in my head, i put together the whole idea of how Jesus coming during the roman empire was ideal because never before and never again was so much of the world unified under one empire. so that historical era was set up perfectly for the spread of Christianity. i thought about the roman roads and all that jazz and was quite satisfied with my own brilliance.

but i think there's even more to it than that. our culture is so obsessed with instant gratification. we want things when we want them, want our needs met before we can feel them, want everything taken care of before it requires any thought or struggle. as much as we claim to value "journey over destination," the instantaneousness and easy accessibility of modern technology have coddled us into the luxury and expectation of instant gratification (and indignance if we are not instantly gratified).

so going back to The Prophet, the Messiah, the Promised One...i think [as much as i can determine the motives of an omniscient God] that the Almighty waited so many centuries and sent so many messengers before Jesus to prepare His people for the arriving of the Christ. as much or as little as He was recognized, Jesus was expected, anticipated, looked for, sought out. the people of israel felt their need for Him.

so often, i have everything i need for survival at my fingertips. i have the abilities and the resources to get (if not everything i want) everything i need. since getting pneumonia on my honeymoon and getting this job, i have felt the stings of unfavorable circumstances like never before. i have felt victimized and under-appreciated and wasted in boredom, monotony, and mediocrity. i have felt disconnected. i have felt the great, deep desire for the skies to open and a Voice from heaven to speak healing and purpose into my life. i have felt my need for God.

more often than not, i think this is how God works. He allows us to experience pain, loneliness, purposelessness, confusion, because these states of being are part of the preparation of our hearts to receive Him...

and the trick is not to wallow. the trick is to be expectant of His arrival, to be less caught up in how we think He should show up and more open to every way that He could show up...to be less concerned with our discomfort and more assured of His perfect timing.

in small groups in youth group, when questions come up that i don't know the answers to, my constant faith rests in the character of God. when there is some sort of gray area or ambiguity or mystery, i hold to the steady, unchanging character of God: always loving, always just, always gracious, always merciful, always always good. it's easy for me to rest in that for life's big, hypothetical questions. it's harder for me to rest in that for the questions that affect me day to day, moment to long moment. waiting. wishing. not quite strong enough to hope.

in my mystery of purpose, vocation, calling, life, i long for a good God. And if this God is truly good, He knows my propensity for oblivion (and consequential misplaced gratitude) too well to lay all things at my feet, to let life be all sunshine and daisies, to allow me to struggle only in the ways i find suitable for my growth. a God who is both loving and good knows that my heart needs preparation, seasoning, expectation, waiting...lest i miss the miracle when it comes.

that's so different from a "this too shall pass" mentality. it's a lifestyle that wakes up every morning thinking, "this could be the day of God's appearing! this could be the day of redemption! there are new mercies rising, and i'm going to find them today!" oh sweet God of mercy, God of goodness and love, let it be so...