the missing link

i've been a lot happier these days. i've been stretching my creativity muscles by trying out new recipes, making lots of artlets (a word i just made up meaning little art projects), and even dabbling a bit in music again. it's been so satisfying to make the time and space for making things. it's something i've been missing. when i'm putting my hands and my mind and my time to creative ventures, exploring new media, learning new skills...i don't know. there's something refreshing about it. i feel alive. i feel like the best version of myself. it's been lovely to discover that my world, though far from ideal, still holds pockets bursting with inspiration waiting to be made into something new.

i was at small group the other night, and we were asked to spend some time reflecting, writing down our distractions, and handing them over to God. i was distracted by a couple of youth group activities that i wanted moved around in order to make time for my new creative lifestyle. i told God that i was concerned because i've made time for making things, but i haven't cut anything else out of my life. i'm doing alright so far, but i don't want to get burnt out, so i know that i need to edit a few things out to make room for me to breathe. but i heard God say, "maybe living a fulfilling life isn't just about having the right formula of extra-curricular activities." alright, God...so what is it about? "it's about knowing Me." well, that's what i'm trying to do with all of this creativity. i'm tapping into Your image in me and embracing the identity you've given me as a little creator. [then God called me out:] "robin, it can't all be smoke and mirrors. you need genuine, explicit face time with Me."

and there is the missing link.

basically, my little revelation of having everything i need to live and create and thrive was not complete. although it has greatly improved my life and my disposition, it gave me no coping mechanism or broader perspective for my time spent at work. i tried to focus on what i had that was life-giving and wish away my hours at work until i could get home and create. my life was no longer a never-ending stretch of misery, but it was still disconnected, fragmented, incomplete.

with a little help from the book we're reading in small group (wisdom distilled from the daily by joan chittister), i've come to the realization that there are 5 kinds of activities that make up our days:
1) work- the things we do because we have to and probably wouldn't do if we didn't have to. going to work. tending to basic physical needs like preparing, eating, and cleaning up meals. cleaning our living space. etc. not to say some people don't enjoy these things, but for the most part, we do them mainly because we need to.
2) vegging- the activities we find ourselves doing when we don't have the energy to do anything else. tv, movies, video or computer games, facebook, etc. sure, some of these things do serve a purpose, but let's be honest. they're mostly just mind-numbing time fillers. we do them because we need to relax and zone out for a little while.
3) sleep- this gets a category of it's own because it takes up so much time, and it goes beyond vegging out or taking care of a physical need. if you don't do it, you're body eventually does it for you. trust me...i've tested that theory.

i pause here to state that for a while, that is basically what my life looked like. pretty bleak, huh? but never fear...here's a little hope!

4) play- chittister defines play as the activities we do that release and rejuvenate our energy. maybe for you, that's exercising or playing a sport (or maybe that feels more like work than play :o/). maybe it's walking, reading, writing, singing, dancing, being with friends. maybe it's drawing, painting, sewing, knitting, felting, building, sculpting, making! it's the things that you do because you enjoy them. they take some energy output, but they leave you feeling refreshed.

the recent addition of play in my life has worked wonders! if you're not playing, cut out some of that veg time, muster a little energy, and do something!
but here is that missing link:

5) reflection- call it what you want...reflection, contemplation, noticing...if you must, you can call it quiet time, though i'd prefer that you didn't. :) we need time with God when we can reflect on Who He is, our lives, the world around us. the activities here can differ from person to person as much as they do with play. reading the bible and prayer are the obvious answers. but those things can be done in a myriad of different ways. consider taking a prayer walk or read the bible using lectio divina. (For a full reference of a plethora of these sorts of things, check out this book.)

basically, here's the short version: i need more than what i need. i need to play because without play, life is just terrible, and i won't have the energy to do anything but work, sleep, and veg. play spans the gap between activity and leisure. kinda like this:
work-------reflection-------play-------vegging-------sleep
and it gives me the energy to put forth that extra effort in reflection, which may be the greatest need of all (and is probably the most neglected). i need connection, continuity, something to make life cohesive and give it meaning. i need space to let God breathe into my life and to notice what He's doing. and that's just not going to happen unless i'm proactive about it. i can't just say i'm waiting for God to show up and then spend all of my time noticing where He isn't and never giving Him the chance to show me where He is. and i'm not going to be proactive about making that space unless i have some energy. and i'm not getting enough energy from working and vegging and sleeping, so play has a pivotal role. but i can't stop there. i need reflection, too, or i'm doomed to continue in the disconnectedness that's been plaguing me for over two years.

so there's the epiphany of the week. work, veg, sleep, play, reflect: the five piece puzzle to a fulfilling life (tm). i'm thankful that God has been gentle with me, showing me that He loves me enough to protect my identity while still challenging me to love Him back. and it turns out that the big life lesson is time management, which has been my perpetual achilles heel. but maybe with the permission to play and the naming of the 5 needs, i can finally find some balance. here's hoping...and here's a little happiness that i actually mean that. :o)