- my nephew jesse's birthday is coming up soon, and he'll be taking his first trip to disney world. i'm so excited for him and for amy and jared as they get to witness his enthusiasm. i just love that kid!
- this spring brought another nephew into my life: josiah, who i got to meet last saturday, and who i absolutely adore. he is a beautiful baby, and i love him to pieces.
- megan's pregnancy is also going well, and she found out yesterday that her little banana baby is a girl!! i am so thrilled to have a niece in the works, and i promise to do my very best to spoil her rotten.
- with all these new nephews and niece, i have two sisters who get to celebrate their first mothers' day as mothers. the road to motherhood has been long and full of ups and downs for both of them, so i am so excited for them to actually get to enjoy this holiday for the first time in years.
- and speaking of birth and celebrations, jason's birthday is tomorrow!! so everyone, be sure to wish him a happy 25th birthday!
5.01.2009
celebrations
spring holds so many things to celebrate, and this year especially! boston has finally emerged from the cloak of death that is new england winter. trees are budding, robins are hopping along the freshly cut grass, and life is once again triumphant after all! i've put away the winter coat in exchange for the new, trendy spring jacket; i've broken out the flip-flops; and i am very much looking forward to working through the summer because it means that there will not be quite so many professors around asking me to clear copier queues. but in much more exciting news, this spring is just full of happiness:
3.18.2009
the missing link
i've been a lot happier these days. i've been stretching my creativity muscles by trying out new recipes, making lots of artlets (a word i just made up meaning little art projects), and even dabbling a bit in music again. it's been so satisfying to make the time and space for making things. it's something i've been missing. when i'm putting my hands and my mind and my time to creative ventures, exploring new media, learning new skills...i don't know. there's something refreshing about it. i feel alive. i feel like the best version of myself. it's been lovely to discover that my world, though far from ideal, still holds pockets bursting with inspiration waiting to be made into something new.
i was at small group the other night, and we were asked to spend some time reflecting, writing down our distractions, and handing them over to God. i was distracted by a couple of youth group activities that i wanted moved around in order to make time for my new creative lifestyle. i told God that i was concerned because i've made time for making things, but i haven't cut anything else out of my life. i'm doing alright so far, but i don't want to get burnt out, so i know that i need to edit a few things out to make room for me to breathe. but i heard God say, "maybe living a fulfilling life isn't just about having the right formula of extra-curricular activities." alright, God...so what is it about? "it's about knowing Me." well, that's what i'm trying to do with all of this creativity. i'm tapping into Your image in me and embracing the identity you've given me as a little creator. [then God called me out:] "robin, it can't all be smoke and mirrors. you need genuine, explicit face time with Me."
and there is the missing link.
basically, my little revelation of having everything i need to live and create and thrive was not complete. although it has greatly improved my life and my disposition, it gave me no coping mechanism or broader perspective for my time spent at work. i tried to focus on what i had that was life-giving and wish away my hours at work until i could get home and create. my life was no longer a never-ending stretch of misery, but it was still disconnected, fragmented, incomplete.
with a little help from the book we're reading in small group (wisdom distilled from the daily by joan chittister), i've come to the realization that there are 5 kinds of activities that make up our days:
1) work- the things we do because we have to and probably wouldn't do if we didn't have to. going to work. tending to basic physical needs like preparing, eating, and cleaning up meals. cleaning our living space. etc. not to say some people don't enjoy these things, but for the most part, we do them mainly because we need to.
2) vegging- the activities we find ourselves doing when we don't have the energy to do anything else. tv, movies, video or computer games, facebook, etc. sure, some of these things do serve a purpose, but let's be honest. they're mostly just mind-numbing time fillers. we do them because we need to relax and zone out for a little while.
3) sleep- this gets a category of it's own because it takes up so much time, and it goes beyond vegging out or taking care of a physical need. if you don't do it, you're body eventually does it for you. trust me...i've tested that theory.
i pause here to state that for a while, that is basically what my life looked like. pretty bleak, huh? but never fear...here's a little hope!
4) play- chittister defines play as the activities we do that release and rejuvenate our energy. maybe for you, that's exercising or playing a sport (or maybe that feels more like work than play :o/). maybe it's walking, reading, writing, singing, dancing, being with friends. maybe it's drawing, painting, sewing, knitting, felting, building, sculpting, making! it's the things that you do because you enjoy them. they take some energy output, but they leave you feeling refreshed.
the recent addition of play in my life has worked wonders! if you're not playing, cut out some of that veg time, muster a little energy, and do something!
but here is that missing link:
5) reflection- call it what you want...reflection, contemplation, noticing...if you must, you can call it quiet time, though i'd prefer that you didn't. :) we need time with God when we can reflect on Who He is, our lives, the world around us. the activities here can differ from person to person as much as they do with play. reading the bible and prayer are the obvious answers. but those things can be done in a myriad of different ways. consider taking a prayer walk or read the bible using lectio divina. (For a full reference of a plethora of these sorts of things, check out this book.)
basically, here's the short version: i need more than what i need. i need to play because without play, life is just terrible, and i won't have the energy to do anything but work, sleep, and veg. play spans the gap between activity and leisure. kinda like this:
work-------reflection-------play-------vegging-------sleep
and it gives me the energy to put forth that extra effort in reflection, which may be the greatest need of all (and is probably the most neglected). i need connection, continuity, something to make life cohesive and give it meaning. i need space to let God breathe into my life and to notice what He's doing. and that's just not going to happen unless i'm proactive about it. i can't just say i'm waiting for God to show up and then spend all of my time noticing where He isn't and never giving Him the chance to show me where He is. and i'm not going to be proactive about making that space unless i have some energy. and i'm not getting enough energy from working and vegging and sleeping, so play has a pivotal role. but i can't stop there. i need reflection, too, or i'm doomed to continue in the disconnectedness that's been plaguing me for over two years.
so there's the epiphany of the week. work, veg, sleep, play, reflect: the five piece puzzle to a fulfilling life (tm). i'm thankful that God has been gentle with me, showing me that He loves me enough to protect my identity while still challenging me to love Him back. and it turns out that the big life lesson is time management, which has been my perpetual achilles heel. but maybe with the permission to play and the naming of the 5 needs, i can finally find some balance. here's hoping...and here's a little happiness that i actually mean that. :o)
i was at small group the other night, and we were asked to spend some time reflecting, writing down our distractions, and handing them over to God. i was distracted by a couple of youth group activities that i wanted moved around in order to make time for my new creative lifestyle. i told God that i was concerned because i've made time for making things, but i haven't cut anything else out of my life. i'm doing alright so far, but i don't want to get burnt out, so i know that i need to edit a few things out to make room for me to breathe. but i heard God say, "maybe living a fulfilling life isn't just about having the right formula of extra-curricular activities." alright, God...so what is it about? "it's about knowing Me." well, that's what i'm trying to do with all of this creativity. i'm tapping into Your image in me and embracing the identity you've given me as a little creator. [then God called me out:] "robin, it can't all be smoke and mirrors. you need genuine, explicit face time with Me."
and there is the missing link.
basically, my little revelation of having everything i need to live and create and thrive was not complete. although it has greatly improved my life and my disposition, it gave me no coping mechanism or broader perspective for my time spent at work. i tried to focus on what i had that was life-giving and wish away my hours at work until i could get home and create. my life was no longer a never-ending stretch of misery, but it was still disconnected, fragmented, incomplete.
with a little help from the book we're reading in small group (wisdom distilled from the daily by joan chittister), i've come to the realization that there are 5 kinds of activities that make up our days:
1) work- the things we do because we have to and probably wouldn't do if we didn't have to. going to work. tending to basic physical needs like preparing, eating, and cleaning up meals. cleaning our living space. etc. not to say some people don't enjoy these things, but for the most part, we do them mainly because we need to.
2) vegging- the activities we find ourselves doing when we don't have the energy to do anything else. tv, movies, video or computer games, facebook, etc. sure, some of these things do serve a purpose, but let's be honest. they're mostly just mind-numbing time fillers. we do them because we need to relax and zone out for a little while.
3) sleep- this gets a category of it's own because it takes up so much time, and it goes beyond vegging out or taking care of a physical need. if you don't do it, you're body eventually does it for you. trust me...i've tested that theory.
i pause here to state that for a while, that is basically what my life looked like. pretty bleak, huh? but never fear...here's a little hope!
4) play- chittister defines play as the activities we do that release and rejuvenate our energy. maybe for you, that's exercising or playing a sport (or maybe that feels more like work than play :o/). maybe it's walking, reading, writing, singing, dancing, being with friends. maybe it's drawing, painting, sewing, knitting, felting, building, sculpting, making! it's the things that you do because you enjoy them. they take some energy output, but they leave you feeling refreshed.
the recent addition of play in my life has worked wonders! if you're not playing, cut out some of that veg time, muster a little energy, and do something!
but here is that missing link:
5) reflection- call it what you want...reflection, contemplation, noticing...if you must, you can call it quiet time, though i'd prefer that you didn't. :) we need time with God when we can reflect on Who He is, our lives, the world around us. the activities here can differ from person to person as much as they do with play. reading the bible and prayer are the obvious answers. but those things can be done in a myriad of different ways. consider taking a prayer walk or read the bible using lectio divina. (For a full reference of a plethora of these sorts of things, check out this book.)
basically, here's the short version: i need more than what i need. i need to play because without play, life is just terrible, and i won't have the energy to do anything but work, sleep, and veg. play spans the gap between activity and leisure. kinda like this:
work-------reflection-------play-------vegging-------sleep
and it gives me the energy to put forth that extra effort in reflection, which may be the greatest need of all (and is probably the most neglected). i need connection, continuity, something to make life cohesive and give it meaning. i need space to let God breathe into my life and to notice what He's doing. and that's just not going to happen unless i'm proactive about it. i can't just say i'm waiting for God to show up and then spend all of my time noticing where He isn't and never giving Him the chance to show me where He is. and i'm not going to be proactive about making that space unless i have some energy. and i'm not getting enough energy from working and vegging and sleeping, so play has a pivotal role. but i can't stop there. i need reflection, too, or i'm doomed to continue in the disconnectedness that's been plaguing me for over two years.
so there's the epiphany of the week. work, veg, sleep, play, reflect: the five piece puzzle to a fulfilling life (tm). i'm thankful that God has been gentle with me, showing me that He loves me enough to protect my identity while still challenging me to love Him back. and it turns out that the big life lesson is time management, which has been my perpetual achilles heel. but maybe with the permission to play and the naming of the 5 needs, i can finally find some balance. here's hoping...and here's a little happiness that i actually mean that. :o)
3.05.2009
a new space...
my last blog entry has sparked a new creative venture for me. i have committed to making at least one thing, start to finish, every week. in an attempt to log these pursuits, i've started a new blog called "The Weekly Make." i'll still keep this blog here for all of my existential ponderings and epiphanies. but i'll use "the weekly make" to chronicle all things creative, complete with pictures and all. there's not much there at the moment, but keep checking back. i'm planning on jumpstarting it this weekend with my last 3 weeks of creative pursuits. enjoy!!
2.25.2009
everything i need
where do i even begin? it's been coming at me from all angles lately, and i'm trying to fight the battle between the necessity to do work right now and the compulsion to share every detail of my past 2 weeks, which included a second honeymoon to disney world (best week of my entire life ever ever...too much goodness) and more than a few insights. i guess i'll start with the major insight and see how far i get before the guilt of not doing work builds up too much to ignore.
before i left for disney world, i had this "aha" moment. what i want more than anything else is to be creative, and that is how the image of God is reflected in me. i want to be a little creator, and i think God is pleased with that. i think that's who He created me to be. He put in me His desire to see raw materials (whether its fabric and thread or words and notes or paper and colors) brought together to make something beautiful, some representation of life and truth.
as i was thinking about that, He said, "you have everything you need right now to live." (i knew He meant that i have all of the raw materials that i need to be creative and to thrive in my current context.) i was a little startled by that revelation because i've been thinking the opposite for so long. "i don't have the space." "i don't have the time." "i don't have the creative community." "i don't have the inspiration." "i don't have the creative energy." so hearing that He has given me everything that i need, i realized that (here is the "aha") conditions will never be ideal. right now, it's a job that bores and annoys me and a lack of people to create with. in a few years, it will be that i'm too busy with kids or i feel guilty spending money on materials because jason and i are being supported by the church. but in my life right now, i have a craft space. i have a job that gets me home by 5:00. and i have a bunch of stuff lying around that's waiting to be put together. and i think that God wants to use this time in my life to start to develop the discipline i've always lacked when i'm without a clear deadline. i think He wants me to stop making excuses and to learn to see and cultivate inspiration, even when everything seems dark. so i've decided to create something start to finish every week, whether it's a song or a sewing project or something special to eat. it's a very small goal, but i figure...baby steps. i need to start to cultivate a habit of creativity that hopefully will someday lead to a lifestyle of creativity. and there's the hope i've been so desperate for over the past year and a half. i now have some sort of purpose, a goal, a way to see this time in my life as more than a waste or a beating. i'm not stuck. i have everything i need to live.
and with that little spark dimly but relentlessly gleaming, i need to get back to the paperwork that piled up while jason and i were living it up in the happiest place on earth. anybody else want to move to florida and work at disney world with me??
before i left for disney world, i had this "aha" moment. what i want more than anything else is to be creative, and that is how the image of God is reflected in me. i want to be a little creator, and i think God is pleased with that. i think that's who He created me to be. He put in me His desire to see raw materials (whether its fabric and thread or words and notes or paper and colors) brought together to make something beautiful, some representation of life and truth.
as i was thinking about that, He said, "you have everything you need right now to live." (i knew He meant that i have all of the raw materials that i need to be creative and to thrive in my current context.) i was a little startled by that revelation because i've been thinking the opposite for so long. "i don't have the space." "i don't have the time." "i don't have the creative community." "i don't have the inspiration." "i don't have the creative energy." so hearing that He has given me everything that i need, i realized that (here is the "aha") conditions will never be ideal. right now, it's a job that bores and annoys me and a lack of people to create with. in a few years, it will be that i'm too busy with kids or i feel guilty spending money on materials because jason and i are being supported by the church. but in my life right now, i have a craft space. i have a job that gets me home by 5:00. and i have a bunch of stuff lying around that's waiting to be put together. and i think that God wants to use this time in my life to start to develop the discipline i've always lacked when i'm without a clear deadline. i think He wants me to stop making excuses and to learn to see and cultivate inspiration, even when everything seems dark. so i've decided to create something start to finish every week, whether it's a song or a sewing project or something special to eat. it's a very small goal, but i figure...baby steps. i need to start to cultivate a habit of creativity that hopefully will someday lead to a lifestyle of creativity. and there's the hope i've been so desperate for over the past year and a half. i now have some sort of purpose, a goal, a way to see this time in my life as more than a waste or a beating. i'm not stuck. i have everything i need to live.
and with that little spark dimly but relentlessly gleaming, i need to get back to the paperwork that piled up while jason and i were living it up in the happiest place on earth. anybody else want to move to florida and work at disney world with me??
2.04.2009
secrets, sovereignty, and a sorry attempt at good news
i've written and saved and not posted quite a few entries over the past three months. so i've been more secretive than silent. and i suppose that's good. i've been struggling with the balance of wanting to be honest and not wanting to be depressing. i guess i'll break the secret here.
i've had a very difficult time coming back from Christmas vacation. to be very broad and theological, i'm struggling with questions of God's sovereignty, not whether or not He is in control, but more so the hidden motives behind His control, when to wait on Him and when to take ownership of my life and do something, those sorts of things. because if i believe in "God's economy," if i believe He doesn't waste anything, then i have to believe that this season in my life has a purpose, that it's preparing me for something. and if that's the case, then the inescapable conclusion is that i am purposed to be a human sacrifice, slowly burning out for the needs of the people around me and for God, with all of this untapped potential in me for the sole purpose of having something to give up for God. now the last i heard, God was not in the business of making extraordinary people mediocre. i had always thought that He was about doing things the other way around. and i'm trying very hard to believe that...even now, even in this dark and constricting place. but it's easier to believe what i see and experience and feel than to hope. because if the hope disappoints, i will break. and the damage will be irreparable.
so unfortunately, i don't have sunshine and daisies for you today. i write only to inform the general blogosphere that i'm still alive. some days it feels more like hanging on by threads than actually living, but my heart is still beating. my lungs are still somewhat functional. i've got brain waves and a pulse and all of those other vital signs. and in the end, i suppose that's good news.
i've had a very difficult time coming back from Christmas vacation. to be very broad and theological, i'm struggling with questions of God's sovereignty, not whether or not He is in control, but more so the hidden motives behind His control, when to wait on Him and when to take ownership of my life and do something, those sorts of things. because if i believe in "God's economy," if i believe He doesn't waste anything, then i have to believe that this season in my life has a purpose, that it's preparing me for something. and if that's the case, then the inescapable conclusion is that i am purposed to be a human sacrifice, slowly burning out for the needs of the people around me and for God, with all of this untapped potential in me for the sole purpose of having something to give up for God. now the last i heard, God was not in the business of making extraordinary people mediocre. i had always thought that He was about doing things the other way around. and i'm trying very hard to believe that...even now, even in this dark and constricting place. but it's easier to believe what i see and experience and feel than to hope. because if the hope disappoints, i will break. and the damage will be irreparable.
so unfortunately, i don't have sunshine and daisies for you today. i write only to inform the general blogosphere that i'm still alive. some days it feels more like hanging on by threads than actually living, but my heart is still beating. my lungs are still somewhat functional. i've got brain waves and a pulse and all of those other vital signs. and in the end, i suppose that's good news.
11.10.2008
the truest thing about you
here's a little food for thought from sacred rhythms: arranging our lives for spiritual transformation by ruth haley barton:
"your desire for more of God than you have right now, your longing for love, your need for deeper levels of spiritual transformation than you have experienced so far is the truest thing about you. you might think that your woundedness or your sinfulness is the truest thing about you or that your giftedness or your personality type or your job title or your identity as husband or wife, mother or father, somehow defines you. but in reality, it is your desire for God and your capacity to reach for more of God than you have right now that is the deepest essence of who you are."
what would my life look like if i lived as if that were true?
"your desire for more of God than you have right now, your longing for love, your need for deeper levels of spiritual transformation than you have experienced so far is the truest thing about you. you might think that your woundedness or your sinfulness is the truest thing about you or that your giftedness or your personality type or your job title or your identity as husband or wife, mother or father, somehow defines you. but in reality, it is your desire for God and your capacity to reach for more of God than you have right now that is the deepest essence of who you are."
what would my life look like if i lived as if that were true?
11.05.2008
david dark, the Kingdom, and hospitality
first of all, here is a link to a david dark talking head which he posted on his blog yesterday. secondly, let me say that david dark is a person who makes me truly believe that the Kingdom has come and that living as if that were true is actually a real possibility.
towards the end of this little video, he mentions "hospitality." maybe God is just trying to teach me something, but i've seen "hospitality" popping up all over the place in the past couple of months. theme of orientation chapel at gordon: hospitality. theme of my church's women's retreat: hospitality. a main emphasis in my seminary wives class: hospitality. i'm reading a book about spiritual direction--first chapter: welcoming the stranger--hospitality! and now david dark: hospitality, a vital part of living out Jesus' teachings.
i think i've always instinctively known the importance of hospitality. for those of you who know my mom at all, i'm sure you can find that very easily believe. my house was always the social gathering place. my mom always had chocolate chip cookies made when friends came over, even into my college years. she teaches her basket-weaving classes out of our home, and even though that's a business, she still makes sure that people are comfortable and free to share their lives, and in that, she models "welcoming the stranger." at different points while i was growing up, we had at least 7 different non-family members living at our house for long periods of time. we even had about a dozen or so people staying at our house for 4 days before mine and jason's wedding. (turns out that that may have been a crazy idea, but it seemed like a very natural thing to do.)
as i'm learning more about hospitality, i'm starting to understand that it's not just about having people over and making sure the house is presentable and baking cookies, (although i put great stock in the spiritual significance of freshly-baked chocolate chip cookies). hospitality is about creating space in every encounter to see the image of God in people, to make them feel safe and valued, even in brief encounters. it's about really listening to them. it's about being vulnerable and inviting them to take part in your life, sharing from the abundance or the meagerness of whatever you have. david dark would add that it's about finding people interesting. (one of his quotes from rock n roll camp that is forever burned into my memory is, "i think there's something a little demonic in finding people uninteresting.")
now if all that is true--and i believe that it is--there is something that is required of me, and it's more than just making nice with people or having them over for dinner. it's a Kingdom calling. it's a lifestyle that--like jason's junior year chapel message--calls us to abandon the arrogance of "bringing Jesus to people" and instead forces us to see Jesus in people. yes, there is a danger of pantheism in seeing God in everyone, but i think the bigger danger comes when we make people invisible, when we fail to recognize the eternal significance of another person.
we all know the matthew 25 passage where Jesus says, "if you have done it to the least of these, you have done it to me." and what's He talking about here? clothing the naked, feeding the hungry, tending the sick, visiting the imprisoned--hospitality!! and when we do those things--whether it is taking care of people's physical needs or clothing the emotionally naked, feeding the intellectually hungry, tending the spiritually sick, or visiting the psychologically imprisoned--we do those things to Jesus. and that takes the martyrdom out of service and replaces it with high privilege..and some holy trembling if you ask me.
i'm rambling a bit here. i guess what i mainly want to know is: is hospitality popping up in your world, too? if so, what are you learning about it? what are you finding challenging about it? where are you meeting God in it? how do we change its connotation from the work of quaint little pastors' wives to a subversive and Kingdom-coming activity? what do you think of when you hear "the hospitality of Jesus" or "the hospitality of the cross" or "the hospitality of God"? or maybe you were struck by some completely different aspect of David Dark's video: creation care, Jesus as "the bloke who tried to help," or something else entirely. any immediate reactions?? any thoughts??
towards the end of this little video, he mentions "hospitality." maybe God is just trying to teach me something, but i've seen "hospitality" popping up all over the place in the past couple of months. theme of orientation chapel at gordon: hospitality. theme of my church's women's retreat: hospitality. a main emphasis in my seminary wives class: hospitality. i'm reading a book about spiritual direction--first chapter: welcoming the stranger--hospitality! and now david dark: hospitality, a vital part of living out Jesus' teachings.
i think i've always instinctively known the importance of hospitality. for those of you who know my mom at all, i'm sure you can find that very easily believe. my house was always the social gathering place. my mom always had chocolate chip cookies made when friends came over, even into my college years. she teaches her basket-weaving classes out of our home, and even though that's a business, she still makes sure that people are comfortable and free to share their lives, and in that, she models "welcoming the stranger." at different points while i was growing up, we had at least 7 different non-family members living at our house for long periods of time. we even had about a dozen or so people staying at our house for 4 days before mine and jason's wedding. (turns out that that may have been a crazy idea, but it seemed like a very natural thing to do.)
as i'm learning more about hospitality, i'm starting to understand that it's not just about having people over and making sure the house is presentable and baking cookies, (although i put great stock in the spiritual significance of freshly-baked chocolate chip cookies). hospitality is about creating space in every encounter to see the image of God in people, to make them feel safe and valued, even in brief encounters. it's about really listening to them. it's about being vulnerable and inviting them to take part in your life, sharing from the abundance or the meagerness of whatever you have. david dark would add that it's about finding people interesting. (one of his quotes from rock n roll camp that is forever burned into my memory is, "i think there's something a little demonic in finding people uninteresting.")
now if all that is true--and i believe that it is--there is something that is required of me, and it's more than just making nice with people or having them over for dinner. it's a Kingdom calling. it's a lifestyle that--like jason's junior year chapel message--calls us to abandon the arrogance of "bringing Jesus to people" and instead forces us to see Jesus in people. yes, there is a danger of pantheism in seeing God in everyone, but i think the bigger danger comes when we make people invisible, when we fail to recognize the eternal significance of another person.
we all know the matthew 25 passage where Jesus says, "if you have done it to the least of these, you have done it to me." and what's He talking about here? clothing the naked, feeding the hungry, tending the sick, visiting the imprisoned--hospitality!! and when we do those things--whether it is taking care of people's physical needs or clothing the emotionally naked, feeding the intellectually hungry, tending the spiritually sick, or visiting the psychologically imprisoned--we do those things to Jesus. and that takes the martyrdom out of service and replaces it with high privilege..and some holy trembling if you ask me.
i'm rambling a bit here. i guess what i mainly want to know is: is hospitality popping up in your world, too? if so, what are you learning about it? what are you finding challenging about it? where are you meeting God in it? how do we change its connotation from the work of quaint little pastors' wives to a subversive and Kingdom-coming activity? what do you think of when you hear "the hospitality of Jesus" or "the hospitality of the cross" or "the hospitality of God"? or maybe you were struck by some completely different aspect of David Dark's video: creation care, Jesus as "the bloke who tried to help," or something else entirely. any immediate reactions?? any thoughts??
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